Day 14 Donderdag

Before going to work and shuffling my cards I have a real strong presence of the Kabbalah in the pillars.

The Left is the pillar of Severity - of Geburah's discipline, of what we can try to burn out, remove to help us.. to have impulse is nothing without form. And I think looking at my pillar I have a lot of impulses which can be bad for me i.e. lack of mental discipline means my mind gets anxious and full of sadness I can't lift, lack of communication means I get into a real pickle, and being easily defensive means I very easily get on the offensive and I am my own worst enemy in things.

Yesterday I drew the Princess of Wands, and I found that keeping that instinct to claw away or at someone for safety in check was a good thing. Today I have the Queen of Wands, which suggests that today I need to keep in check my natural Wands nature of being open, being alive and free. There is a key here that today to be guarded and not all 'sexy feline' as this card always talks to me about, is a good idea. Something small may kick me off... and I go into fiery rant, into pissed off mode, and that makes me emotional and stressed.

And the Right, the pillar of Mercy, of Chesed's generosity and love, what is within me to encourage, what opportunity to seize and make the best of... and here in my pillar so far is a lot of spiritual wisdom that I just need to take on board more. That I am getting this through the process of this exercise day by day through the beauty of Spirit.
Today I have drawn 7 of Swords, a card that I can see a lot of here...
Yes you might feel that everyone is demanding your attention, and this attention and 'wantedness' can kick off the Queen of Wands reaction (I am awesome and amazing, I am all powerful, and now I am all stressed and annoyed and I throw my toys out of the plan when things do not work my way).
Here we have the central sword of justice, that is balanced between all these demands and becomes a rose for the delicate flower, for the soul, for the journey to move forward.

Today my cards are telling me not to get distracted by the ego, and by the demands of the day - but to just focus on being centred and in my own Middle Pillar, and the rest will flow as it is meant to.

Kind of Zen for the tarot eh?

Updated
I was not the Queen, the all powerful, the one that is not bothered. I did well to not put on a brave face.

The 7 of Swords is a strange card. Why encourage Lord of Futility - of being overwhelmed, of being depressed and despondent (words from the Via tarot's book).
Because in facing up to those things, rather than putting on the Queen of Wands brave face - we actually feel things... and can let them flow. What is important it so not OWN the feelings, but to just observe them.
I am lonely should be I feel lonely - why - what does this mean - what is the truth underneath this...

Was important for me, to remain balanced when the knives started to carve their pound of flesh and whilst it first was painful, it was actually the removal of emotional cancers to find the truth within.