And today's blockage is Judgement - and in the Wild Unknown from the murder of crows that fly and seem to swarm in the darkness, one beautiful dove ascends and rises above it all.
The TL2 book says that blocks of the this card can be displayed as exhaustion and not fulfilling your duties, sticking to old habits which keep you where you are, not heeding good advice, not responding to communications.
When I first saw this card I thought 'I am blocking this card by not forgiving myself and not letting go of my anxiety and worry - which is inkeeping with the second thing. I can almost see that if one thing topples one of the dominos over today then I'll go 'well its all shit anyway, I am shit, it is all shit so why bother the 'reaction formation' and reverting back.
I would also add that I am feeling blocked by the judgement of others, and that actually I should only be concerned with doing what is good and true in my heart and soul first, the issues of others is not mine cross to bare.
I have to remind myself of my good resolve to move forward, to rise above what may seem to pull me down and to reconnect with the pure intentions I have, and the divinity beyond.
I have noticed in the past few days by reconnecting with the Divine for no purpose other than to offer humility and prayer I can feel changes happen within me. I am not doing any active 'work' at the moment other than this, and this is what I feel is needed at the moment.
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
3 of Swords
One card we all have felt in our lives is the 3 of Swords...
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And it is definitely something you might want to block willingly. I feel for me though this is about not blocking in the sense of denial, its blocking because of my sanity.
I have had a very intense time emotionally recently, and I am going to my Mothers later, because I feel like I need to, I want to be by my family - yet I know that it will pull on my heart strings and my Mother will pull and use it to her advantage (i.e. she wants me to move near her to look after her) but I am aware of it and sometimes blocking, or rather shielding yourself from undue pain is a good idea.
EDIT - actually, the card was a good warning, the 3 of swords can be a card of heartache because sometimes we like to pick at the healing wounds and make them hurt again. There is something odd about the human need, at times, to be emotionally sadomasochistic about things.Well, for me this card definitely meant that. I can not change what has happened in the past, mourning is no longer an option and wishing 'what if' and sometimes you just have to pick yourself up and get on with it.
There is this strange isolated part of myself though that likes to think these things and want to stab right into old wounds, that hunts around for more poison to feed it... this is not good or healing and today I realised what was happening and saw it for what it was. Yes I had a little cry but for what was honestly causing it, not because of the isolated demon in me that likes to inflict more pain on myself
Yep, this is what I now intend to do - get on with it :)
.JPG)
I have had a very intense time emotionally recently, and I am going to my Mothers later, because I feel like I need to, I want to be by my family - yet I know that it will pull on my heart strings and my Mother will pull and use it to her advantage (i.e. she wants me to move near her to look after her) but I am aware of it and sometimes blocking, or rather shielding yourself from undue pain is a good idea.
EDIT - actually, the card was a good warning, the 3 of swords can be a card of heartache because sometimes we like to pick at the healing wounds and make them hurt again. There is something odd about the human need, at times, to be emotionally sadomasochistic about things.Well, for me this card definitely meant that. I can not change what has happened in the past, mourning is no longer an option and wishing 'what if' and sometimes you just have to pick yourself up and get on with it.
There is this strange isolated part of myself though that likes to think these things and want to stab right into old wounds, that hunts around for more poison to feed it... this is not good or healing and today I realised what was happening and saw it for what it was. Yes I had a little cry but for what was honestly causing it, not because of the isolated demon in me that likes to inflict more pain on myself
Yep, this is what I now intend to do - get on with it :)
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Living the gates - the Block Spread
Ok... I have to admit, I have not been very 'active' with this month at all. And one of the reasons is
a) I struggle with the psychological terms etc.
b) and most importantly, I have not wanted to look at the blocks I have.
The last week especially as been very emotionally and physically traumatic for me, as I have been telling myself lots of little white lies so it becomes easier to suppress things. Basically the lies came to a point where I can't kid myself anymore and all the suppressed emotion came pouring out, it seems you can only put a dam in these things but at some point, with pressure they will blow.
But I feel better for it now - and I am trying to remain positive.
I remember the last card I drew in my 'conscious' working with the cards and this month of blockages was the 7 of Wands, and it talks about running away.... and whilst a lot of my issues are work related at the time I thought 'oh, I need to stick it out and fight a bit more' but what I see now is something different, is that actually sometimes you dont physically run away, but you mentally and emotionally run away from things, you dont want to put the torch light too close to the problem because then you will really see the horrible truth of your unhappiness.
Look even now I am displacing myself, it is my unhappiness, my lies and suppression that have now popped out of the cupboard like junk crammed in when your mother comes to stay lol.
I know this is a huge part of me... and even in this exercise as a whole. I have been telling myself the lie that I dont understand it - I do understand it, its just I dont want to, because then I will see. And this is because of the big block that I currently have in my working life - which impacts on everything else.
So yeah... I'm living the gates. Its taken me a whole month practically but I get it.
The Tarot Life Book2 mentions a spread about blocks so I think it will be good to use it now with my Wild Unknown to reflect on it and see what else is left to work on, focusing on my job as part of my block :)
.JPG)
My Distraction - The Devil
Wow, a very unexpected card to see - but it tells a real truth
When am upset or blocked I become a bit obsessive about something, and I spend lots of money on that new found obsession. For example, a while ago I was having a weird time after a break up, so rather than focusing on the wobbly emotions I become convinced that I am going to be a photographer. So I read hundreds of websites, looked online, bought a camera, lens etc. I obsess and spend money.
And its because I want to feel good - we all do it, we all buy ourselves treats when we are blue, we spend money to do the things we like or want because it makes us feel good.
But, this time I havent really done that, I havent had a proper obsession, I havent had something else to hold on to to break up the stress and the drip drip effect, and so the block has just possessed me (whilst I suppress it) so it has complete and total power over my every waking thought.
Utilisating the block for further progress - 10 of Wands
When you see this card from that you see how distraction helps deal with the feeling of all these wands, this burden.
However perhaps there is a way of changing that burden... maybe into making it about burdens I willingingly want to carry rather than those that are forced on me. At the moment, at work I feel like I am being forced to carry a lot of burdens and I see that perhaps I need to realise I can pick and chose the things to worry about.
Easier said than done though ;)
How to Partition the Block - The Sun
Making sure I have moments in my job that remind me of why I chose my profession, what gives me happiness and satisfaction. What actually fulfils me spiritual and emotionally about my job - and I can really see what does that, and what doesn't now. Again it is about seeing the burdens I chose to carry and how they are worth it because of the glorious A-HA moments, the 'starfish' moments.
Also, I need to find ways to just have happiness and joy in my life in general. I definitely need more of these and that has also been a very big issue in my dam-busting is that I have had little fun in weeks. I basically live eat/breath work and miss my boyfriend and true friends so much. I realise that to cope with the stress of work I need to have FUN and happiness, which is very difficult to do presently. But, I am working on it.
How to Progress through the Block - 2 of Pentacles
Again this card speaks of balance, of being aware of what I 'pick' up at work and what what I leave behind about the stresses. At the moment I feel like I pick up every single stress to the point of insanity - and I cant live like this. I need to find ways to shift things, to shift work life and fun life, to find out ways to juggle the stress and even to let it go. When I can do that, I can move forward, I will be transformed into the butterfly.
How to begin to Change the Block - The Moon
One, I need to see clearly what the shadows are that are bothering me
and perhaps in the mystical moment of the moon put magic into the mix to move forward.
But I also feel (and I have infact made enquiries into this) in that my hormones are literally fucked up due to the implant. I have booked an appt to see if that is the case and how to rectify this. I think a huge factor into my stress levels is my hormones
How to Orientate to then simplest solution of the block - 5 of Swords
Ya know what, this card speaks to me of being careful with what you cut. Whilst I am making enquiries about changing jobs (and have a job interview next week that would involve relocating) I wonder if actually changing jobs isnt really the whole solution to my block.
I see how my work-life balance has been pretty non-existent over the last few weeks, I have the Sun and the Moon in this spread, the Light and the Dark which says to me that I need more fun to then deal with the icky stuff underneath, the Devil needs to distract me whilst I am busy sorting out the 10 of Wands in my emotional energy level. Blocking myself from the burdens wont help (because rather than block I lie and suppress) so what I need is a more obvious way of just letting the stress go at the end of the day (and perhaps some of that is due to hormones too).
The 5 of Swords though is the strangest, especially in the Wild Unknown, as the LWB just says self-destruction or perhaps in this case, self-sacrifice. Is quitting my job the solution I think it is? Or am I projecting the solution on to the external factors like my job and its location? Will changing my job and its location change the way I deal with these burdens?
I can see how perhaps its how I deal with these burdens is more important than necessarily running away from them. Running away might feel like a way out but is it? Rather than cutting myself do I need to just be cutting the burdens???
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmph. This is really intriguing.
But how do I cut the burdens? What can I do to stop myself from taking on everything? Is it just that I need enough happy distractions? Or do I need to have some sort of emotional mechanism to stop taking everything on.
Wow - this is not the result I thought I would get. I thought the cards would say 'well done, you realised a problem and you are running away from it! I didnt think they would say 'Yeah, changing the post code doesnt change you and how you deal with it hun'.
Hmmmmmmmm Ok. Perhaps I need to do another spread of this focusing more on this revelation.
To be continued......
a) I struggle with the psychological terms etc.
b) and most importantly, I have not wanted to look at the blocks I have.
The last week especially as been very emotionally and physically traumatic for me, as I have been telling myself lots of little white lies so it becomes easier to suppress things. Basically the lies came to a point where I can't kid myself anymore and all the suppressed emotion came pouring out, it seems you can only put a dam in these things but at some point, with pressure they will blow.
But I feel better for it now - and I am trying to remain positive.
I remember the last card I drew in my 'conscious' working with the cards and this month of blockages was the 7 of Wands, and it talks about running away.... and whilst a lot of my issues are work related at the time I thought 'oh, I need to stick it out and fight a bit more' but what I see now is something different, is that actually sometimes you dont physically run away, but you mentally and emotionally run away from things, you dont want to put the torch light too close to the problem because then you will really see the horrible truth of your unhappiness.
Look even now I am displacing myself, it is my unhappiness, my lies and suppression that have now popped out of the cupboard like junk crammed in when your mother comes to stay lol.
I know this is a huge part of me... and even in this exercise as a whole. I have been telling myself the lie that I dont understand it - I do understand it, its just I dont want to, because then I will see. And this is because of the big block that I currently have in my working life - which impacts on everything else.
So yeah... I'm living the gates. Its taken me a whole month practically but I get it.
The Tarot Life Book2 mentions a spread about blocks so I think it will be good to use it now with my Wild Unknown to reflect on it and see what else is left to work on, focusing on my job as part of my block :)
.JPG)
My Distraction - The Devil
Wow, a very unexpected card to see - but it tells a real truth
When am upset or blocked I become a bit obsessive about something, and I spend lots of money on that new found obsession. For example, a while ago I was having a weird time after a break up, so rather than focusing on the wobbly emotions I become convinced that I am going to be a photographer. So I read hundreds of websites, looked online, bought a camera, lens etc. I obsess and spend money.
And its because I want to feel good - we all do it, we all buy ourselves treats when we are blue, we spend money to do the things we like or want because it makes us feel good.
But, this time I havent really done that, I havent had a proper obsession, I havent had something else to hold on to to break up the stress and the drip drip effect, and so the block has just possessed me (whilst I suppress it) so it has complete and total power over my every waking thought.
Utilisating the block for further progress - 10 of Wands
When you see this card from that you see how distraction helps deal with the feeling of all these wands, this burden.
However perhaps there is a way of changing that burden... maybe into making it about burdens I willingingly want to carry rather than those that are forced on me. At the moment, at work I feel like I am being forced to carry a lot of burdens and I see that perhaps I need to realise I can pick and chose the things to worry about.
Easier said than done though ;)
How to Partition the Block - The Sun
Making sure I have moments in my job that remind me of why I chose my profession, what gives me happiness and satisfaction. What actually fulfils me spiritual and emotionally about my job - and I can really see what does that, and what doesn't now. Again it is about seeing the burdens I chose to carry and how they are worth it because of the glorious A-HA moments, the 'starfish' moments.
Also, I need to find ways to just have happiness and joy in my life in general. I definitely need more of these and that has also been a very big issue in my dam-busting is that I have had little fun in weeks. I basically live eat/breath work and miss my boyfriend and true friends so much. I realise that to cope with the stress of work I need to have FUN and happiness, which is very difficult to do presently. But, I am working on it.
How to Progress through the Block - 2 of Pentacles
Again this card speaks of balance, of being aware of what I 'pick' up at work and what what I leave behind about the stresses. At the moment I feel like I pick up every single stress to the point of insanity - and I cant live like this. I need to find ways to shift things, to shift work life and fun life, to find out ways to juggle the stress and even to let it go. When I can do that, I can move forward, I will be transformed into the butterfly.
How to begin to Change the Block - The Moon
One, I need to see clearly what the shadows are that are bothering me
and perhaps in the mystical moment of the moon put magic into the mix to move forward.
But I also feel (and I have infact made enquiries into this) in that my hormones are literally fucked up due to the implant. I have booked an appt to see if that is the case and how to rectify this. I think a huge factor into my stress levels is my hormones
How to Orientate to then simplest solution of the block - 5 of Swords
Ya know what, this card speaks to me of being careful with what you cut. Whilst I am making enquiries about changing jobs (and have a job interview next week that would involve relocating) I wonder if actually changing jobs isnt really the whole solution to my block.
I see how my work-life balance has been pretty non-existent over the last few weeks, I have the Sun and the Moon in this spread, the Light and the Dark which says to me that I need more fun to then deal with the icky stuff underneath, the Devil needs to distract me whilst I am busy sorting out the 10 of Wands in my emotional energy level. Blocking myself from the burdens wont help (because rather than block I lie and suppress) so what I need is a more obvious way of just letting the stress go at the end of the day (and perhaps some of that is due to hormones too).
The 5 of Swords though is the strangest, especially in the Wild Unknown, as the LWB just says self-destruction or perhaps in this case, self-sacrifice. Is quitting my job the solution I think it is? Or am I projecting the solution on to the external factors like my job and its location? Will changing my job and its location change the way I deal with these burdens?
I can see how perhaps its how I deal with these burdens is more important than necessarily running away from them. Running away might feel like a way out but is it? Rather than cutting myself do I need to just be cutting the burdens???
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmph. This is really intriguing.
But how do I cut the burdens? What can I do to stop myself from taking on everything? Is it just that I need enough happy distractions? Or do I need to have some sort of emotional mechanism to stop taking everything on.
Wow - this is not the result I thought I would get. I thought the cards would say 'well done, you realised a problem and you are running away from it! I didnt think they would say 'Yeah, changing the post code doesnt change you and how you deal with it hun'.
Hmmmmmmmm Ok. Perhaps I need to do another spread of this focusing more on this revelation.
To be continued......
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